


Ghostbusters 2 isn't even a Christmas Film.

by greyjoying



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 06:10:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8960809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyjoying/pseuds/greyjoying
Summary: The Beta kids at Christmas. That's literally the whole plot.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ribbontype](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ribbontype/gifts).



In the state of international Holiday rankings, Christmas for John Egbert was a solid second. The first of course was Halloween. __Nobody could beat Halloween. Sure, his buddies may have been pissed when he insisted they had to wear matching ghostbusters outfits for the third year in a row -

EB: you've never seen anyone bust a ghost on your own, have you? even mob has reagan!  


TG: john you uncultured swine its reigen not the fifty seventh president of the united states or whatever and second of all he doesnt bust the ghosts thats solely the ghostbusters domain do you even anime  


TT: Anime isn't a verb, Dave.  


GG: no rose its a good question!!!

But it always ended the same anyway, with all of them gorging on candy until they felt sick and flopped over each other in a hug pile, Jade nearly giving John a black eye in the process with her dangerously sharp elbows. Last year they had managed to fit all that in before 11:30pm, to the disapointment of John's co-busters. 

''We're getting old.'' Sighed Dave, sprawling down dramatically on the cushion beside John. ''Next you know it'll be bedtime by 9 after reading a book and then Nurse Stacey'll come and wheel us about in a chair so we can go watch the squirrels duel for dominance or a swan break a kids arm at the park.'' Rose took an admirable bite of her portion of ''blood color'' jelly she had stolen from downstairs. ''Ah Dave, you too are discovering the trepidation and travails of adulthood. As they say, woe is it to be eighteen with nothing to do. Alexander wept for he had no more house parties to conquer.''

''Hey! my g-paw is super old and he's still cool.'' Jade threw and arm round John and winked. ''And your Nanna is a pretty badass lady too right?''  
''She does look particularly excellent in those old photos of her in a business suit.'' Nodded Rose, seconds before a cushion bounced of her shoulder.  
''Stop lusting after my Nanna!''

Rose fell back in mock pain. ''Dave.....Jade.....It appears I've taken a critical hit. Carry on the battle in my name. Build on my dreams of women in pantsuits. Keep me in your memories.''  
Dave quickly fired back with a cushion aimed at John's head that he easily dodged, and then another from Jade, which he didn't.

Later, when the battle would subside they would make a half hearted job at cleaning up, while Rose and Dave argued about the Freudian symbolism of Slimer. It was, in John's humble opinion the perfect holiday.

Christmas, on the other hand had it's flaws. The first was that it was just too cold. It was the kind of cold for John that regardless of how many sweaters his dad made him wear, and no matter how many blankets he buried himself under, he just couldn't get warm.

The second, and more important factor was that he never got to see his friends. Sure he could see them before Christmas, but on Christmas day itself Jade would always spend the day cleaning guns with her Grandpa, Rose would partake in what her mother had ominously christened 'Wizardmas', and Dave would attempt to remix 'Christmas Wrapping' by the Waitresses to rap over it and inevitably fail. 

This year however, seemed different. It started when John's father announced he had a big surprise. He didn't announce this in the normal way fathers would, but rather by spelling out 'SON I HAVE A BIG SURPRISE' In blue icing on some cupcakes left outside John's door. Curious, John stopped his rewatch of the best Christmas movie of all time ( _Ghostbusters 2_ , no matter how much Dave disputed that it was actually _Elmo Saves Christmas_ ) and headed downstairs to investigate.

 

His Nanna was in the kitchen with a Spork. Thankfully, it was not the solution of a Cluedo game, but rather just Nanna doing her usual. ''Hello John!'' She called, brandishing the spork. She was dressed in a long red dress with white fur lining the collar and a santa hat balanced precariously on her head. ''Hello Nanna. You look like Mrs Clause.'' Observed John, attempting to steal a cookie from the tray sitting on the counter. ''Hoo hoo, don't I just?'' Nanna batted his hand away. ''I was actually just dressed like this so they could get a photo for Crocker's Christmas Catalogue Of Fun Cringle Recipes™. It goes out next week.'' Nanna took a step away and in one smooth motion whipped the dress over her head to reveal her normal Christmas attire underneath - a bright red power suit and white tie. 

''You have to teach me how to do that some day.'' Smiled John, making his second play for the cookie. 

Nanna batted him away like it was nothing. ''Company secret, I'm afraid. What are you up to today young man?''

John gave up his quest for the cookies and settled down into a chair, chin propped up on his hands. ''Dad said he had a big surprise for me.''

''Hoo Hoo Hoo yes.'' Nanna chuckled, knowingly. ''I think he should be back shortly with them.''

By the time his father did in fact arrive back John had managed to convince Nanna to part with two cookies, and a promise of a share in her cookie empire. He was just about to bite off the snowman's head when he heard the sounds of tire on gravel and........voices?

''Thanksforthecookiesnanna'' John called, speeding past her so fast he almost knocked over a try of Crockers Crystal Cream Crunchies™ .

John wrenched open the door and found himself face to face with Dave. It was always difficult to tell what expression Dave wore under his shades, but right now it looked unimpressed. ''I see you've also stolen my Ironic Christmas jumper idea.'' Noted Dave. It was only now John noted the atrocious festive jumper dave was wearing, red with a robin in the centre. 

''You know Dave, I don't believe that you own the copyright for that idea.'' Said Rose fondly, moving to stand beside him in a deep purple sweater. On the front of it, a tentacled monster proclaimed 'MERRY CTHULUMAS'. Rose pressed her lips together. ''Unlike Dave, who in enduring originality purchased his from the local Walmart, this one was my own creation.''

''That means she knitted it!'' Jade explained cheerily, appearing on Dave's other side. Jade, unlike the other two was wearing a tshirt that stated 'SUNS OUT GUNS OUT', which Jade did in fact manage to pull off by being the only one of the four with any muscles or notable arm strength. 

John beamed. ''You guys came here for Christmas? But what about your guardians?''

Jade took a lock of her hair and ran it under her nose in a mock moustache. ''Pfft. They've had us for eighteen Christmasses. They can deal with one without us.''

''You should thank your father.'' Rose nodded, to where John's dad was attempting to get three different suitcases out of the boot in one go. ''He's the one who organised it.''

John suddenly felt very fond of his dad. He might actually not complain the next time he couldn't watch TV because his dad had left icing on the top of it which melted. Though, really it was a totally stupid thing to do. Who else but his Dad could do that? On second thoughts, he would still complain about it. But lovingly.

''C-can we come in now?'' Dave asked, teeth chattering. ''It's as cold as Jack Frost's dick out here.''

''How would you know that?'' Rose asked curiously.

Jade, not even slightly shivering, let out a giggle.

''Yeah...of course you can. Welcome to Casa de Egbert.'' Smiled John, opening the door wide.

John watched as his three best friends in the whole world piled into the living room and immediately sprawled over the couch. His dad was the last to come in, tipping his hat and giving John a wink as he did so. John mouthed a 'Thanks' to him. Boy was he going to have to guilt buy the best present ever for his Dad to make up for the shitty after spray he'd gotten already. But that was a problem for tomorrow.

''John hurry up over here!!'' Called Jade, from wear she was lying on the couch with her feet in Rose's lap. ''We're going to choose a Christmas film.''

''Oh man. _Can we do Elmo saves Christmas?_ I never get tired of that social commentary on dystopias of bad wishes and the commercialism of moo bunnies.''

''I was thinking maybe we could watch _Citizen Kane?''_

''Rose, what the hell? How is that a Christmas movie?''

''He has a snowglobe and a sleigh, both Christmas imagery''

John grinned at the image of his three best friends all bickering over which movie to watch, and decided that on the official rankings of best holidays Christmas this year might just make number one.

But he was still going to make them watch _Ghostbusters 2_. From the beginning.


End file.
